In Spanish there is a phrase, “Da le alas” used when it is time to break up with someone. it literally means give him wings. I was pining away over a boy that was just leading me on. I could not see it, but a friend of mine could. She told me, “Da le alas.” I was so caught up in the lalala I could not comprehend just letting him go. After months of following him like a puppy and getting my hopes up, he started dating someone else. That is when the real work kicked in…getting over him-giving him wings. Here is what I learned along the way.
Many times after a relationship we have a hard time letting go. Not letting go of the person so much, but letting go of what we feel they owe us. Debts if you will.
The first being debts of immaterial things. Broken promises, unmet expectations, assumptions etc all fit into this category. The problem is that these types of debts do not physically exist, they are immaterial, in our minds. It is the shattered dream of the future that haunts us. The conversation where they said they would never hurt you that you replay over and over in your mind.
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true…think about such things.” The what if’s, maybe’s, if only’s and what could have been’s/should have been’s are not true. They are kept alive in our imaginations and based on our perception of reality, thus not fact, thus not true. No one except God knows a persons heart. Therefore you do not, can not, and will not ever know someones motivations. Stop thinking about them. It does you no good, but only magnifies the debt you feel is owed to you.
There is another type of debt, physical debts. “They did this, they did that.” The actions of the other person that have hurt us in some way shape or form. The problem here is that what is done is done, no one can change the past. You are not responsible for others actions you are responsible for how you respond. Proverbs 20:22 “Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.” It is not your job to vindicate yourself or collect payment on what you feel is owed as retribution. That is God’s job.
This truth of forgiving was expressed by Jesus throughout Matthew 5 and even given importance enough to be in the Lords prayer, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” This is not only talking about people who owe us things physically like money, but maybe they owe us an explanation, or an apology. We forgive them anyway.
Whenever you start thinking about those unmet expectations, broken dreams, the damage that someone has done you. Set them free from that debt against you. They owe you nothing, and you owe them nothing but to love them. Once you set them free you will realize that you were the one in the cage, and now you are free to fly.